Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Stephen Anfort
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From: GTedham@aol.com[SMTP:GTedham@aol.com]
Sent: Sunday, December 17, 1995 9:12 PM
To: anforts@cadvision.com
Subject: Fwd: Twas the night before Christmas
A Fwd'ing I go, a fwd'ing I go.... high ho....etc...a fwd'ing I go!!!
G.C.
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Forwarded message:
From: dwaynegi@unixg.ubc.ca (Dwayne Glen Illerbrun)
To: killer@netshop.net
CC: gtedham@aol.com
Date: 95-12-05 13:15:05 EST
Hey there,
Just a little something that Daan sent me. Thought you may enjoy
Later,
_________________________________________________________________________
>> 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' as written by a technical writer for
>> a firm that does Gov't contracting...
>>
>> 'Twas The Night Before Christmas
>>
>> 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
>> Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic
>> activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
>> including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
>> Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood
>> burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
>> regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist
>> among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.
>> Nicholas.
>>
>> The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
>> accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
>> hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically
>> through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our
>> nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of
>> the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the
>> grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt
>> compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the
>> purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
>>
>> Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
>> this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,
>> reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
>> precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
>> itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
>> behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
>> diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
>> aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
>> apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
>> ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more
>> vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
>> loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
>> addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
>> Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior
>> level of our abode, through which structure I could readily
>> distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal
>> extremities.
>>
>> As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
>> performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved -
>> with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the
>> smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the
>> ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had
>> accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I
>> attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he
>> bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
>>
>> His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
>> submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
>> amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal
>> appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous
>> layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral
>> emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His
>> amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common
>> loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like
>> small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
>>
>> Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey
>> fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of
>> a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it
>> was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal
>> region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
>> hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than
>> an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom
>> rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so
>> being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating
>> his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my
>> part was groundless.
>>
>> Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
>> aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
>> articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
>> dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
>> he executed an abrupt about- face, placed a single manual digit in
>> lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
>> forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his
>> egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
>> propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
>> musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
>> antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
>> movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions
>> of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible
>> immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility:
>> "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self
>> same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and
>> gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
>
-- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Dwayne G. Illerbrun email: dwaynegi@unix.ubc.ca MASc Candidate address: Rm. 417A FORWARD Metals & Materials Engineering The University of British Columbia FAX: (604) 822-3619