If anyone in the SF bay area (all two of you) wants to show up for an
Ubergeek night of Windows 95 and StarTrek season premiere give me an
email. At any rate everyone should watch the show and visciously mock it.
And I hope that this helps.
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Bill Gates Microsoft Windows 95 infomercial drinking game
Beta version.
*******************************Drink once**********************************
Everytime a cute ethnic child is shown being more productive through the
use of Win 95.
A "new" feature of Win 95 is shown that has been implemented in the Mac OS,
OS/2, or third party extensions for years.
Someone makes a reference to Bill's money or success.
The word "virtual" is used.
Microsoft new computer network is refered to as MSN.
When "Joe/Jane Q. Computer User's" computing concerns are solved by Win 95.
A 1-800 number is displayed.
Whenever "plug and play" is used.
A reference to how "easy it is" is made.
An old person is shown using the computer.
The computer speaks directly to the camera.
A spokesman from the Computer industry praises Win 95.
The word "upgrade" is used.
*******************************Drink twice*********************************
When a crappy feature/bug of Win 3.1 has been fixed by Win 95.
Some politically correct/assinie icon/metaphore is used for a standard
function (i.e. "recycle bin")
Someone "doesn't understand" a feature, and needs it explained in detail.
Plug and play is refered to as "p&p."
Any time Anthony Edwards (the host) says the words "World Wide Web."
Large, bloated, yet obsolete mega-corporations, toady up to Bill in the
hope that some of his sucess will rub off.
Anyone makes a medical joke to Anthony Edwards.
Any time the phrase "Now is the time..." is used.
A person is shown meeting some "Sandra Bullockesque" love interest through
MSN.
A feature of MSN duplicates an existing internet service.
The 'net is refered to as the "Information Superhighway."
You are invited to publish your own Web page.
You are remined that Win 95 will allow you to attempt any of the following
trivial tasks: Balencing home checkbook/budget, college term paper, manage
your stock portfolio, order flowers or a pizza, play games, email your
grandmother, make plane reservations, 'chat' online, medical imaging,
research dinosaurs, download porn, play "global thermonuclear war," or open
the pod bay doors.
*******************************Drink thrice********************************
Bill makes reference to his wealth and/or sucess.
A crappy feature/bug from Win 3.1 continues on into Win 95.
Any reference to "screw-up."
A reference to "You've been waiting a long time, but now here it is..."
Win 95 crashes the demonstration computer.
A competetor's product is shown.
They tell you that this is "the last operating system you'll ever need."
Bill breaks down, turns to the camera and say "Easy is not better!"
********************************Drain it***********************************
A "new" feature intoduced in Win 95 is totally original, never before
implemented in Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions.
An animated version of Anthony Edwards or Bill Gates appears.
Anthony Edwards remarks offhandedly "You ever notice how much Windows
looks like the Macintosh operating system?" Drain another if Bill answers,
"Nah, we swiped it from Xerox."
An explaination to why Win 95 was released a scant few months before '96.
Canter & Seigal spam MSN with adds for their latest book before the end of
the program.
Bill apologizes for his monopolistic business strategy, crappy software,
and cult of personality. Hands rights over to Linus Torvalds.
Charlie Chaplian "spokesman" from the IBM campaign shows up.
. . . . .. . . ... .._..._...__..___._.___.______________taylor@taylor.org